Finding my Meaning

"The struggles in my life teach me how. How I'm perfectly imperfect and when it hurts, I just remember there's a purpose. So, I'll cry today, smile tomorrow" - Anthony Ramos, Cry Today, Smile Tomorrow.

Seasons come and go as so many things in my life do, but there is a unique element to the current moments in my life today. It has been a year of mountain top adventures and city streets and at every corner, I am welcomed with unexpected visitors and joy. But the concept of my pursuit of happiness has driven me to search for something that has been right in front of me the whole time. I always find myself participating in activities that I expect will fill my heart with delight and laughter. That means I will sacrifice things like money and time for a good meal, concert or any connection to other people. I call this desire 'self-care' and it brings happiness to my life, but at some point, I started chasing a good time over a good life, my meaning to live. Maybe this is a season of endings, senior year of college has snuck up on me like none other and I remember a time when I did not think I was even capable of attending a University. I saw my struggles in academics as a label of failure for the rest of my life, but today I am two terms away from graduating with two degrees, professors I can call friends and an army of people that believe in me more than I knew possible. Maybe this is a season of taking chances, meeting new friends and exploring new places. After spending the summer in the valleys of Colorado I learned to call a new place home. My sense of adventure only strengthened after the summer, leading me to a different city or state every weekend. Maybe in this season all of these life-altering decisions do not matter unless I know the 'why' to my 'how'. My ethics professor leads discussions in my How to Change the World-class, and despite the name being a dead giveaway, we get to focus on our personal lives and struggles to figure out who we are. It is a heart-driven course that leaves me discovering the meaning of my life. This is what I have so far: I will use my voice to let everyone know that there is someone in their corner fighting for their life. Saying this brings tears to my eyes because flashes of faces stream my consciousness. My life has changed forever from people believing in me so I declare this will be a season of pursuing meaning.

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