Last week I went to sleep with dreams of adventures and a hopeful heart that I finally figured this whole life thing out. Well, not the whole life thing, just some of it. I was challenging myself in new ways, getting into a routine and every day brought a new adventure. Not to brag but it took me three and a half years of college experiments to find a happy medium. Being a student, employee, friend, daughter, and sister all while trying to figure out who I want to be is no easy task. But I was getting there and I finally accepted that.
Yesterday I went to sleep after crying for the whole day, yes the whole day. It was announced that in six days we have to move out of our student housing and that the school year will take place online. Once upon a time, this would have been a dream, 6 months of summer, ill take it, but what if you no longer have a summer vacation. What happens when in May there is no break but a new beginning. My dream year has been cut short and this new beginning is starting a little sooner than expected. I went from living with my closest friends, in a city worth adventuring while expressing all my creative freedom, to moving back home with my parents and not knowing where my next paycheck is coming from. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents but the unknown is scary.
I'm supposed to have time.
But if this is the end it was worth it. I've rewritten this line so many times, some with tears, some while laughing but each time a flood of thankfulness fills my heart. Every late night and early morning, the classes that made me stress cry and the ones that made me think wtf. Every dance party, study session, bible study, mental break down, midnight pep talk was worth it.
If this is the end, thanks. To the people that have been by my side for years and the ones I only just met, know that you have been part of changing my life forever.
It breaks my heart that this is the way it has to end and yes, it was inevitable, but I refuse to regret any of it. Yes Rachel, even the two years I busted my butt during our drunken October birthday month.
I'm trying my best to be okay, so I am done crying and I am determined to leaving college proud of this accomplishment.
"To all my friends, I'd love to stay. Some summer night I hope I see you again" -Dermont Kennedy